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　　Conservationist and author Gerald Durrell and Lee McGeorge first met in 1977; two years later they were married.By the time Durrell died in 1995 they had travelled the world together on numerous conservation expeditions and co-written two books: A Practical Guide for the Amateur Naturalist, and Durrell in Russia. In 1978, a year after they first met, Gerald Durrell wrote a love letter to his future wife.

　　生態(tài)環(huán)境保護(hù)者以及作家Gerald和Lee在1977年第一次見面BESOTTED，兩年后BESOTTED他們結(jié)婚BESOTTED了。到1995年Durrell去世時(shí)，他們一起探秘了很多BESOTTED的保護(hù)區(qū)，合著了兩本書《業(yè)余博物學(xué)家的實(shí)用指南》和 《德雷爾在俄羅斯》。在1978年，他們初見之后的一年 ，Gerald給他未來的妻子寫了這封情書。

▲Gerald Dureell

All This I Did without You

　　ByGerald Dureell

　　Narrated by Tom Hiddleston

　　July 31st, 1978

　　1978年7月31日

　　My darling McGeorge,

　　親愛的麥克喬治：

　　You said that things seemed clearer when they were written down.

　　你曾說過把事情寫下來，他們就會變得更清楚。

　　Well, here with a very boring letter in which I will try and put everything down so that you may read and re-read at horror at your folly in getting involved with me.

　　那么這恐怕是一封很無聊的信，在信里我會試著把所有的東西都寫下來，因此你會在恐懼中反復(fù)閱讀，為愛上我而感到愚蠢。

　　Deep breath.

　　深呼吸。

　　To begin with I love you with a depth and passion that I have felt for no one else in this life and if it astonishes you it astonishes me as well.

　　首先，我如此深切熱烈的愛你，以至于我此生不會再愛上其他人，如果這讓你吃驚，它同樣讓我覺得不可思議。

　　Not, I hasten to say, because you are not worth loving.

　　我必須要說，并不是你不值得去愛。

　　Far from it.

　　遠(yuǎn)不是如此。

　　It's just that, first of all, I swore I would not get involved with another woman.

　　只是，首先我發(fā)誓我不會再愛上另外一個(gè)女人。

　　Secondly, I have never had such a feeling before and it is almost frightening.

　　其次，我從未有過這樣的感覺，因而感到害怕。

　　Thirdly, I would never have thought it possible that another human being could occupy my waking (and sleeping) thoughts to the exclusion of almost everything else.

　　第三，我從未想過會有一個(gè)人會占據(jù)我所有的時(shí)間（包括睡覺的時(shí)候）讓我無時(shí)無刻不在想她。

　　Fourthly, I never thought that – even if one was in love – one could get so completely besotted with another person, so that a minute away from them felt like a thousand years.

　　第四，我從未想過會有人，即使是處于戀愛中的人，會如此迷戀對方，以至于分開哪怕一分鐘都像相隔千年。

　　Fifthly, I never hoped, aspired, dreamed that one could find everything one wanted in one person.

　　第五，我從未希望、渴求、幻想過能在另外一個(gè)人身上得到我想要的一切。

　　I was not such an idiot as to believe this was possible.

　　我還沒有愚蠢到認(rèn)為這是可能的。

　　Yet in you I have found everything I want: you are beautiful, gay, giving, gentle, idiotically and deliciously feminine, sexy, wonderfully intelligent and wonderfully silly as well.

　　但是在你身上我找到了我想要的一切：你不但溫柔美麗，還性格隨和樂于助人，你性感撩人、聰明機(jī)靈中還帶著點(diǎn)傻里傻氣的天真。

　　I want nothing else in this life than to be with you, to listen and watch you (your beautiful voice, your beauty), to argue with you, to laugh with you, to show you things and share things with you, to explore your magnificent mind, to explore your wonderful body, to help you, protect you, serve you, and bash you on the head when I think you are wrong …

　　我這輩子只想和你在一起，聆聽你的動(dòng)人聲音，欣賞你的美麗容顏，與你同甘共苦，分享生活點(diǎn)滴，探索你的浩渺思緒和曼妙身姿，幫助你，保護(hù)你，服務(wù)你，在我認(rèn)為你犯錯(cuò)了的時(shí)候念叨你……

　　Not to put too fine a point on it I consider that I am the only man outside mythology to have found the crock of gold at the rainbow's end.

　　坦白來說，我認(rèn)為我是唯一一個(gè)在神話中的彩虹盡頭發(fā)現(xiàn)了金匣子的人。

　　But – having said all that – let us consider things in detail.

　　但是說完這些，讓我們從細(xì)節(jié)角度考慮。

　　Don't let this become public but … well, I have one or two faults.

　　不要公開這件事……但是確實(shí)，我會犯一回兩回錯(cuò)。

　　Minor ones, I hasten to say.

　　甚至更多小錯(cuò)誤，我必須承認(rèn)。

　　For example, I am inclined to be overbearing.

　　比如說，我有時(shí)候會有些蠻橫。

　　I do it for the best possible motives (all tyrants say that) but I do tend (without thinking) to tread people underfoot.

　　我這么做的目的是好的（所有的暴君都這么說），但是我確實(shí)容易（不加思考）忽略別人的想法。

　　You must tell me when I am doing it to you, my sweet, because it can be a very bad thing in a marriage.

　　親愛的，當(dāng)我對你這么做的時(shí)候你一定要告訴我，因?yàn)檫@會是一段婚姻中非常糟糕的事情。

　　Right. Second blemish.

　　那么，第二個(gè)缺點(diǎn)。

　　This, actually, is not so much a blemish of character as a blemish of circumstance.

　　這其實(shí)是一個(gè)形勢的瑕疵而不是一個(gè)人性格上的瑕疵。

　　Darling I want you to be you in your own right and I will do everything I can to help you in this.

　　親愛的我希望你有做自己的權(quán)利，為此我會盡我所能來幫助你。

　　But you must take into consideration that I am also me in my own right and that I have a headstart on you …

　　但同樣的你也要考慮到我也有做自己的權(quán)利，而且我比你有優(yōu)勢……

　　What I am trying to say is that you must not feel offended if you are sometimes treated simply as my wife.

　　我想說的是，如果有的時(shí)候我怠慢了你，你千萬不要?dú)鈵馈?/p>

　　Always remember that what you lose on the swings you gain on the roundabouts.

　　要時(shí)刻記住失之東隅，收之桑榆。

　　But I am an established 'creature' in the world, and so – on occasions – you will have to live in my shadow.

　　然而我在世界上算是一個(gè)“知名”人物，有時(shí)你可能會活在我的光環(huán)之下。

　　Nothing gives me less pleasure than this but it is a fact of life that has to be faced.

　　這是讓我最不開心的一件事，但是我們卻都要面對。

　　Third (and very important and nasty) blemish: jealousy.

　　第三個(gè)缺點(diǎn)（非常重要和嚴(yán)重）：嫉妒。

　　I don't think you know what jealousy is (thank God) in the real sense of the word.

　　我認(rèn)為你并不知道嫉妒的真正含義（感謝上帝）。

　　I know that you have felt jealousy over Lincoln’s wife and child, but this is what I call normal jealousy, and this – to my regret – is not what I've got.

　　我知道你肯定羨慕過林肯的妻子和孩子，這種是我所說的一般嫉妒，但這很遺憾也是我沒能得到的。

　　What I have got is a black monster that can pervert my good sense, my good humour and any goodness that I have in my make-up.

　　我得到的是一個(gè)能夠扭曲我的想法、幽默和善良的邪惡怪物。

　　It is really a Jekyll and Hyde situation … my Hyde is stronger than my good sense and defeats me, hard though I try.

　　這是一個(gè)雙重人格的情況……我的邪惡面要比我的善良面更強(qiáng)，并且打敗了我，盡管我盡力反抗也于事無補(bǔ)。

　　As I told you, I have always known that this lurks within me, but I could control it, and my monster slumbered and nothing happened to awake it.

　　正如我告訴你的一樣，我一直知道這些潛伏在我心中，我能控制它，我內(nèi)心的怪物正蟄伏，卻沒有任何事物能夠喚醒它。

　　Then I met you and I felt my monster stir and become half awake when you told me of Lincoln and others you have known, and with your letter my monster came out of its lair, black, irrational, bigoted, stupid, evil, malevolent.

　　之后我遇見了你，我心中的怪物蘇醒了，并且在你告訴我林肯以及其他你認(rèn)識的人的時(shí)候就已經(jīng)半醒了，隨著你的信，我心中那黑暗的、不理性的、偏執(zhí)的、愚蠢的、邪惡的怪物走出了它的獸穴。

　　You will never know how terribly corrosive jealousy is; it is a physical pain as though you had swallowed acid or red hot coals.

　　你不會知道惡毒的嫉妒會有多么糟糕，那像是喝下迷幻藥或者是燒紅煤塊帶來的痛。

　　It is the most terrible of feelings.

　　這是最糟糕的感覺。

　　But you can't help it – at least I can't, and God knows I've tried.

　　但是你卻無能為力——至少我不行，上帝知道我嘗試過了。

　　I don't want any ex-boyfriends sitting in church when I marry you.

　　當(dāng)我迎娶你的時(shí)候，我可不想有任何一位男朋友坐在教堂里面。

　　On our wedding day I want nothing but happiness, both for you and me, and I know I won't be happy if there is a church full of your ex-conquests.

　　在我們結(jié)婚的那天，我只希望你我都幸福，但是我知道，如果教堂里都是你的前任，我是不會高興的。

　　When I marry you I will have no past, only a future: I don't want to drag my past into our future and I don't want you to do it, either.

　　當(dāng)我娶你的時(shí)候，我們就忘掉過去，只看到未來：我不想我的過去介入我們的未來，我同樣不希望你的過去介入。

　　Remember I am jealous of you because I love you.

　　記住，我嫉妒你，是因?yàn)槲覑勰恪?/p>

　　You are never jealous of something you don't care about.

　　你不會嫉妒任何你不關(guān)心的事。

　　O.K. enough about jealousy.

　　好了，關(guān)于嫉妒就到這里。

　　Now let me tell you something.

　　現(xiàn)在我要告訴你一些事情。

　　I have seen a thousand sunsets and sunrises, on land where it floods forest and mountains with honey coloured light,

　　我看過無數(shù)次日出日落，在大地上，森林和群山都被籠罩在光芒之中，

　　at sea where it rises and sets like a blood orange in a multicoloured nest of cloud, slipping in and out of the vast ocean.

　　在大海上，為五彩的云朵增添上一抹血橘色，在無垠的大海上劃進(jìn)劃出。

　　I have seen a thousand moons: harvest moons like gold coins, winter moons as white as ice chips, new moons like baby swans' feathers.

　　我看過無數(shù)次月亮：滿月如金幣，寒月潔白似冰屑，新月宛如小天鵝的羽毛。

　　I have seen seas as smooth as if painted, coloured like shot silk or blue as a kingfisher or transparent as glass or black and crumpled with foam, moving ponderously and murderously.

　　我看過大海平靜如止，顏色如緞，或藍(lán)如翠鳥，或如玻璃般透明，抑或如烏黑褶皺的泡沫，沉重而危險(xiǎn)的翻動(dòng)著。

　　I have felt winds straight from the South Pole, bleak and wailing like a lost child; winds as tender and warm as a lover's breath;

　　我感受過來自南極的烈風(fēng)，寒冷呼嘯著像一個(gè)走失的兒童；感受過如愛人呼吸般的柔風(fēng)；

　　winds that carried the astringent smell of salt and the death of seaweeds; winds that carried the moist rich smell of a forest floor, the smell of a million flowers.

　　摻雜著苦澀的咸味和海草死亡氣息的海風(fēng)；彌散著森林大地肥沃土壤氣息和千萬種花香的山風(fēng)。

　　Fierce winds that churned and moved the sea like yeast, or winds that made the waters lap at the shore like a kitten.

　　狂風(fēng)濤海如同酵母發(fā)酵起沫，或使海水輕拍海岸像小貓一般。

　　I have known silence: the cold, earthy silence at the bottom of a newly dug well; the implacable stony silence of a deep cave;

　　我了解寧靜：一口新井中寒冷又樸實(shí)的寧靜；一個(gè)深洞中無情冷酷的寧靜；

　　the hot, drugged midday silence when everything is hypnotised and stilled into silence by the eye of the sun; the silence when great music ends.

　　炎熱迷離的午后萬物被炎炎烈日催眠的寧靜；一曲美妙音樂結(jié)束的寧靜。

　　I have heard summer cicadas cry so that the sound seems stitched into your bones.

　　我聽過夏日蟬鳴如芒在骨。

　　I have heard tree frogs in an orchestration as complicated as Bach singing in a forest lit by a million emerald fireflies.

　　我聽過樹蛙在無數(shù)螢火蟲點(diǎn)亮的森林中演奏著如巴赫管弦樂般美妙復(fù)雜的旋律。

　　I have heard the Keas calling over grey glaciers that groaned to themselves like old people as they inched their way to the sea.

　　我聽過啄羊鸚鵡飛躍冰川叫喊著，像老人呻吟著走向大海。

　　I have heard the hoarse street vendor cries of the mating Fur seals as they sang to their sleek golden wives,

　　我聽過聲嘶力竭的街道商販成交皮草生意的叫嚷，好像是對他們鎏金妻子的贊美；

　　the crisp staccato admonishment of the Rattlesnake, the cobweb squeak of the Bat and the belling roar of the Red deer knee-deep in purple heather.

　　響尾蛇清脆卻不連貫的警告聲；成群結(jié)隊(duì)的蝙蝠的刺耳叫聲；馬鹿在齊膝的紫石楠中的咆哮。

　　I have heard Wolves baying at a winter's moon, Red howlers making the forest vibrate with their roaring cries.

　　我聽過狼群在冬夜對月長嚎，紅吼候嘯震山林。

　　I have heard the squeak, purr and grunt of a hundred multi-coloured reef fishes.

　　我聽過珊瑚群中異彩斑斕的魚群發(fā)出的吱吱、呱呱和呢喃。

　　I have seen hummingbirds flashing like opals round a tree of scarlet blooms, humming like a top.

　　我見過蜂鳥如同寶石一般圍繞著開紅花的樹閃爍，如陀螺一般哼鳴作響。

　　I have seen flying fish, skittering like quicksilver across the blue waves, drawing silver lines on the surface with their tails.

　　我見過飛魚如水銀一般穿越藍(lán)色海浪，用他們的尾翼在海面上劃下銀色痕跡。

　　I have seen Spoonbills flying home to roost like a scarlet banner across the sky.

　　我見過琵鷺像朱紅的旗幟從鳥巢飛往鳥群。

　　I have seen Whales, black as tar, cushioned on a cornflower blue sea, creating a Versailles of fountain with their breath.

　　我見過漆黑洳焦的鯨魚，在如矢車菊般的藍(lán)色海洋中停留，呼吸間創(chuàng)造了一個(gè)凡爾賽宮的噴泉。

　　I have watched butterflies emerge and sit, trembling, while the sun irons their wings smooth.

　　我見過陽光熨展蝴蝶的翅膀，它浮現(xiàn)、停頓、又扇動(dòng)。

　　I have watched Tigers, like flames, mating in the long grass.

　　我見過鮮如火焰的老虎在長草之中親昵。

　　I have been dive-bombed by an angry Raven, black and glossy as the Devil's hoof.

　　我曾被憤怒的烏鴉俯沖攻擊，如魔鬼的爪牙黑暗順滑。

　　I have lain in water warm as milk, soft as silk, while around me played a host of Dolphins.

　　我曾躺在溫暖如牛奶、柔順如絲綢的水中，任一群海豚在我身邊嬉戲。

　　I have met a thousand animals and seen a thousand wonderful things …

　　我曾遇到過無數(shù)生靈，曾看過無數(shù)美景……

　　All this I did without you.

　　這一切卻未與你共度。

　　This was my loss.

　　這都是我的損失。

　　All this I want to do with you.

　　這些事情我都想與你共度。

　　This will be my gain.

　　這一切才會是我的收獲。

　　All this I would gladly have forgone for the sake of one minute of your company, for your laugh, your voice, your eyes, hair, lips, body,

　　為了有你一分鐘的陪伴，我愿放棄這一切，為你的笑聲，你的聲音，你的眼睛，頭發(fā)，嘴唇，身體，

　　and above all for your sweet, ever surprising mind which is an enchanting quarry in which it is my privilege to delve.

　　尤其是你善良又令人驚喜的心，那是只有我有權(quán)利開發(fā)的寶藏。

　　Letter to his fiancée Lee, (31 July 1978)一封給未婚妻的信（1978年7月31日）published in Gerald Durrell: An Authorized Biography by Douglas Botting (1999)

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